Archive for Marriage

Under Pressure

Since I got married, I have been incredibly anxious.I wake up feeling anxious and I go to sleep feeling anxious. It’s been driving me mad, and I couldn’t figure why I so worked up all the time. Was it financial pressure? No, for the first time in a long time, money is good. Relationship woes? No, we are really happy and having a great time together.

I keep thinking that something in my life must be wrong.Turns out, something is terribly wrong, but it has nothing to do with my marriage.

I have not been pursuing my passions. Writing and performing are my life’s works and I have not been actively pursuing either of them in ernest this whole year.

I am in New York City, but I am not going to auditions. I have a laptop and mountains of notes, but I have not been writing, save for this blog. My free time was spent on the wedding planning, and the money I have been earning has been going towards survival in a harsh city. But with the wedding behind me and my new life begun, I am still in old patterns of behavior that don’t yield the results I need.

I learned while I was at school, if I am not writing and not performing, I will get depressed. Very depressed. In the past, I have corrected this by self producing a show, landing a paid contract, and starting a blog.

But now that I am married to the love of my life, my inaction has not lead to the depression I was used to. I am so happy most of the time, that there just doesn’t seem to be room for it. But my new friend, panicked anxiety has started to fill that role quite efficiently. And so the time has come again to relight the fire of my passions.

I am pleased to announce that on Oct 1st, my second blog will launch. Co-written with my dear friend Adair Rice, we will be posting ridiculous correspondence to each other every week.

I am also beginning to search out auditions for performing gigs (along with my wife) and finding a renewed passion for comics that I hadn’t known I’d lost.

It’s not a quick fix, and I know from past experience that when I am unfulfilled artistically, it reeks havoc on my mental state. But, I am confident that with the help of my wife and collaborators, I’ll be back to chasing my dreams until I run out of breath in no time.

-DC

Constant Change

Being married is different than dating. Living together, making life plans and financial decisions, are all things that couples of all stages do together. But once you are married, you are transitioning from a state of change to a state of constancy.

I have had ten roommates over the course of my life. Now, I will have one for the rest of my life.

When my wife and I were dating, we were constantly adjusting to our own changing lives. Where we were, what we were doing, who we were with, were all changing every day, and independently from each other. Now that we are married, those things are still changing ever day, but we have each other as a constant. We never had that before.

I was expecting everything to change in my life when I got married. And a lot of things did. But really, it’s the stability that no one warns you about.

All of a sudden, you have someone to be with, always. You have a partner in crime that isn’t going anywhere. While this constancy might scare some people, I have found it to be an awesome experience.

In a world of terrorist, super viruses, civil wars and street violence, I am so glad I have a steadfast partner. Regimes will fall, presidents will leave office, and gas will go up, but I have a friend, confidant, lover, and drinking buddy to stand with through it all.

Yes it’s forever, and yes, that can be a little scary. But life is scary enough alone. I’m glad I have such an amazing partner to go through all the change life sends our way.

-DC

Going to the chapel

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When I was first planning my wedding with my then fiancé, people would ask how it was going, and I would always answer the same: “if you ever get married, elope.”

It was a long and stressful process to get from the proposal to the alter. But, we learned a lot and we survived.

More than that, we thrived.

As such, my perspective on weddings has changes some, having now had my own. So I would like to share an “I dos” do’s and don’ts list with you. Based on my experience and nothing else.

Don’t-

  • See your bride before she walks down the isle. (The moment I saw Courtney was so over powering, I had to double take. And then I promptly fell apart. In a good way)
  • Let your family stress you out. (My family was pretty awesome. So was Courtney’s. But, those little things they do that bug the crap out of you will seem like really big deals when you are already stressed and strung out. Just remember they love you and want you to be happy.)
  • Trust the RSVPs. (Plan for 10 more people to just show up, and then don’t be surprised when 20 people cancel or just don’t show. Stuff happens, so plan ahead and being willing to let go.)

Do-

  • Dance your ass off. (Our first dance, our mother/son and father/daughter,  were all SO much fun. Not because we practiced, but because we really danced, as opposed to swaying.)
  • Eat the food. (Some couples don’t eat on their wedding day. They are too busy taking pictures and saying hi to everyone, and they end up forgetting, or not having time. We made time to eat. And I am glad we did. Even if you are not big drinkers, it’s an exhausting day, and you will need some food.)
  • Have live music. (My sisters and two of Courtney’s friends all played or sang or both during our service, and it was so amazing.  I can’t even tell you how perfect it was. And while we had a blast dancing to our play list, we had a live band at the after party, which was great. Courtney and I even sing a song or two with them.)

And finally, Do-

  • Surround yourself with your best friends. (our bridal party was awesome. Our ushers were incredible, and we had all the people who matter most pitching in and having a good time. We were able to involve friends in the ceremony,  and have others take over set up and tear down. They were all indispensable and a joy to be around. When you are making your list think about who you can count on for fun, logistics, and support.)

Long story short, I am so glad we had a wedding. Rather than telling people to elope in the future, I will tell them, all you need to know about having a wedding is that people love love. They want to help, they want to have fun, and they want celebrate with you. So, why not let them?

-DC

Dollar Dollar Bill Ya’ll

Dollar BillsDan is currently spending every last dime of his wedding money on a San Francisco honeymoon. Austin and I are pretty sure this whole “wedding” thing is an elaborate money laundering scheme, but our private detective hasn’t returned any calls.

Anyway, Dan will be back next week with an emotional post about his wedding. After that, we’ll start talking about the other aspects of our lives again. We’re almost there!

As always, thanks for your continued readership. We appreciate all of our readers, subscribers, and commenters – you really make this whole writing thing a wonderful experience.

– Clark and Austin

Day Late, Dollar Short

The days are are starting to get shorter, and the familiar chill of Autumn is sneaking through the windows of unsuspecting sleepers. Tonight, I’ll be using a blanket on top of my usual bed sheet.

That happened fast.

It feels like everything has been fast-forwarded. The wedding weekend will be talked about for years, but it already feels like it’s slipping through my fingers. It feels unfair. These are the memories I want to freeze and analyze, to view from different angles. I don’t want to forget the look on Dan’s face when he first saw his bride, or the smell of cigars by the bachelor party’s campfire, or the bitter taste of coffee the morning after the reception.

But time freezes for no man, and my memory has never been strong for details. I will have to relieve the wedding weekend through stories and photographs, remembering only snippets of first-hand experience.

For now, the most I can do is be thankful for what I have – my friends, my house, and the beautiful state I’ve called home for the last 25 years. I may not be able to remember every joke, every beautiful view, or every friend I’ve met – but I will always remember what it feels like to have a family. And that is more than enough for me.

The Return Voyage

Clark, Dan, and I are back, and one of us married to boot. We’re all tired, emotional, and happier than we’ve been in a long time. Pictures and stories are inbound. Until then, here’s the toast I gave to Dan at the reception. People tell me it was a hit.

 

What can I say about Dan that he has not already told you about himself?

I first met Dan when we were both about eight years old. We lived in the same neighborhood, and one day we happened to be walking the same direction at the same time. We’ve been inseparable since.

I’ve been Dan’s best friend through the highs and the lows. I’ve been a confidant, a cheerleader, and the keeper of several secrets that would utterly destroy Dan if they ever got out.

If anyone wants to know what those are, come see me later, we’ll work something out.

Seriously though, I remember a conversation Dan and I had late last year, I think around November or December. We were talking over the phone, and Courtney came up, as she has in every conversation since. And Dan said to me, “It’s not a matter of if, dude , it’s a matter of when.” And I thought to myself, ‘wow, I’ve never seen Dan this in love,  this serious, or this authentic.’ It was then I knew that those two had something very rare, and very special.

I’ve never seen Dan as happy as I’ve seen him in the last few months. I’m looking forward to seeing the life these two will create together.

I consider Dan family, and am overjoyed to see this family grow.

So, here’s to Dan and Courtney. May the rest of their lives be as special as it is right now.

-Austin