Author Archive for D Crary – Page 2

Friends till the end

When I was twelve years old, all my best friends in the world lived less than a quarter mile away. Down the block, around the corner, or just over the hill. My favorite people were available and accessible, almost all the time. Friendship was easy.

I’m twice as old now, and friendship is a lot harder.

I have more people I care about, and less time to spend with them. I’ve had some amazing new friendships form in the last decade, and I have fallen in love with them all. But, we all have had school, jobs, cross country moves, and even marriages. And all of those adventures, while fantastic in their own rights, don’t leave much time for playing catch up over coffee.

The hard truth that no one tells you, is that the older you get, the harder it is to make and maintain friendships. I still meet a whole lot of people. But, everyone I meet has a full time job, a serious relationship, or is in the mist of an existential crisis. And all my old friends are going through much the same.

I became friends with Austin when we were seven because we were both walking the same way in our neighborhood. Later that day, he was my best friend.

I met Clark in the hallway of a dormitory. We hung out a few times, lived together for a year, and then became real friends.

My friends live in Montana, Washington, and Bulgaria. And now, after ten months, I have friends in New York. Everyone is just a phone call or text or subway ride away. It’s easier than ever to stay in touch, and yet I feel like my friendships, old and new, are slipping through my fingers.

I would say it’s just been a tough week, but I know better. I’m afraid of losing my friends through apathy and distance. But my biggest fear, is that in twenty years, I won’t have anyone to call.

As our lives provide us with more hardships and obligations, it seems like we give ourselves more excuses not to reach out. But, the more complicated life gets, the more that’s exactly what we need.

I’m going to try to make more time. Because lord knows, if we want to make or keep friends, time is the main ingredient.


Happy Halloween!

As with all holidays we love, we’re taking the day off to eat, drink, and be zombies.

Have a wonderful halloween, and stay safe out there!


I wanted to post a poem this week. The following is that poem.

The Ziggurat

A spire on a tower in steel is the work

of man. The base was made from sweat

and iron in a plot laid out from the vision

of mortals and stretching to the sights of

Gods. The track the beams follow, goes

from the sullen earth up to a bolt and rivet

vanishing point a quarter mile high.

Men worked on this titan for a three year stretch,

or so claims a brass marker base plate. The foundry

where it was made saw many of the same men who

built the tower. The sweat was the same. Names changed

with the jobs, but the blood was still the same.

The window of opportunity was a few decades short.

Men capitalized, and this tower is their gain. The sky was torn,

not scratched, and the men stared at their beast. The spire is the grey iron of Jehovah,

and for that some thought these few madmen. Someone couldn’t allow this

pyramid of rebar. No one permitted a monument of this scope to exist,

and no one would let it be achieved. However, man has never

needed permission to create.

A window, scores of stories in the air, is the vantage of this flight. Never,

has work like this so soared. The giants of before are an urban prairie beneath

the weight of this hulk in the sky. How was it made and who could have seen it

are not questions to ask in the presence of this requiem in steel. This rapture was

raised in spite of no one letting the men build. No need for allowance, they birthed

a silver leviathan because not one man could stop them.

Another Piece

I just finished an 11 day work week. 7-10 hours, every day, for 11 days. When you add commuting time, it tacks on an average of two hours to my day. The hours add up, and so does the money. But money isn’t everything, and something is missing.

What I learned from my most recent bout with extended hours, is the importance of rest. Taking time to sleep, eat, and unwind is hard sometimes. But, you have t force yourself to make it happen. Without taking time to recharge, your productive hours will be less effective, and you start to wonder why you are working so damn hard.

This is not news to anyone. It’s common sense. But, I have come out from the this hell of a work week, realizing that rest is not enough. Because, no matter how tired I am, if I go a day without pursuing my passions, it is a day wasted.

I am auditioning on Tuesday to get into an acting class, and I have started writing a new story. Not because I “had to.” Because I need to. Because no matter how good I job is, or how much I am paid for it, my passion cannot be fulfilled by mixing drinks for strangers.

As my resolve improves, so does my time management. And with the help of my wife and friends, I am beginning to get back on track. So no matter how tired I am, I can still work on my art.

Stay tuned folks. I believe I am on the verge of a comeback.


Back in the saddle

On Tuesday, I had the extreme pleasure to attend my first New York acting class. It was, in a word, awesome.

I haven’t been in an acting class in several years. While I have been making the rounds as professional performer, and I have a fair amount of experience, I haven’t been on stage in six months. Needless to say I was nervous when the teacher informed me I would  be reading a scene at the end of class.

I came to watch, and I was made to play.

The three hour class flew by. It was a a whirlwind of insight, passion, and free expression. But, as focused as I was on the beautiful work going on in front of me, I was filled with anxiety. Anxiety over my coming performance.

Finally, my time came at the end of class. I was not memorized, I had not read the play, and I had never worked with my partner before. I was more unprepared for my scene than I ever have been in my entire history of performing. It was terrifying.

As I began to speak my first line, the teacher stopped. He told me to look at my partner, and find the thing I could love in her. He couldn’t have cared less about the script, he didn’t want me to “build a character.” He simply wanted me to be in the moment with another person and experience our relationship together.

It was thrilling.

The work he was having me do, was something my teachers before only hinted at. Only after we had researched and memorized, and worked and worked, until we had earned our moment on stage. But, this teacher told me to let go of everything in my life and just be here, now.

I had a great time working in this class, and I am now in talks with the teacher to join as a full time student. Because, in a one twenty minute block on stage, this teacher peeled back the veil and let me play. And I played in a way I have missed, so dearly.

I’m not back on stage yet, but I know I’ve taken my first step to get there.


A new blog, a new roommate, a new job, oh, and a new wife: it’s a season of change for old Dan. And while I love change, one or two at once would be nice. Five or more and I begin to remember why I can’t juggle.

I love my life, and all the exciting things that are happening. I’m a happily married man, with a great apartment, and a cool “new” roommate. And on top of all this, I have finally launched my second blog. That’s right, Tales from Two Cities is now live, with new posts coming at you twice a week (with more  content to follow.)

I’m busy, and that’s a good thing.

Until, one thing goes wrong. A new catering company leads to more work, that gives me less time to write. A new roommate means navigating the city with a fresh face, and less time to relax. A new apartment means a great space to live in, and battles with the utilities companies over past balances left by the previous tenants. And a new wife means…Ok, that one’s just awesome.

For every new, exciting thing, more complications arise. I find myself dealing with repairmen, collections agents, cab drivers, and friends like never before. I’m on the phone, emailing, and taking care of things, and through all the new stress, I’m counting myself lucky. I’m only having to deal with these things, because my life is pretty great most days.

I am married! I have a great apartment! And a new blog with a dear friend!

So, in the spirit of that, go check out the first two post at Tales from Two Cities. I think you just might like it.

Something’s Coming

I love reunions, reboots, and resurrections. Whenever a canceled TV show, a band getting back together, or a sequel finally getting green lit, always thrills me. And in a little less than a week, one of the greatest duos in history will be getting back together.

No, not Simon and Garfunkel.

Clark and Dan.

That’s right. After a two and a half year break, my former roommate will become my current roommate. CLark is taking a huge step in his life, and coming to New York City to chase his dreams. And when he gets here, he will be setting up shop in our apartment, and not just to “crash.” His name is on the lease.

Now, I know what you are thinking. “Dan, you’re married now! Won’t that be weird for you and Courtney, a newly married couple, to have a roommate? That will put your friendship under pressure as well, and in six months you’ll hate each other! Why would you do that?” Believe me, I know that it seems like a bad idea. But, frankly, the pros far outweigh the cons.

Clark is a great friend, an excellent collaborator, and a damn good roommate. He is responsible, charitable, fun, and does not sweat the small stuff. Living with him was a blast the first go around, and now it will be a even more fun because my wife will be here too! (Right?)

No one in New York wants a roommate. But, no one could live here without one. When Courtney and I started looking at apartments together before our wedding, we could find no good options in a 1 bedroom that we could afford. And at that same time, Clark was beginning to search for a place to live in the city. It all came together rather nicely. So, we got a month of extended honeymoon, and Clark got a furnished apartment when he arrived. Win-win.

I’m thrilled that one of my best friends is going to be living with me again. Even though things have changed drastically, I remain confident that we will have a blast. In fact, we will have so much fun, that Austin will move out here just so he doesn’t feel left out.

Under Pressure

Since I got married, I have been incredibly anxious.I wake up feeling anxious and I go to sleep feeling anxious. It’s been driving me mad, and I couldn’t figure why I so worked up all the time. Was it financial pressure? No, for the first time in a long time, money is good. Relationship woes? No, we are really happy and having a great time together.

I keep thinking that something in my life must be wrong.Turns out, something is terribly wrong, but it has nothing to do with my marriage.

I have not been pursuing my passions. Writing and performing are my life’s works and I have not been actively pursuing either of them in ernest this whole year.

I am in New York City, but I am not going to auditions. I have a laptop and mountains of notes, but I have not been writing, save for this blog. My free time was spent on the wedding planning, and the money I have been earning has been going towards survival in a harsh city. But with the wedding behind me and my new life begun, I am still in old patterns of behavior that don’t yield the results I need.

I learned while I was at school, if I am not writing and not performing, I will get depressed. Very depressed. In the past, I have corrected this by self producing a show, landing a paid contract, and starting a blog.

But now that I am married to the love of my life, my inaction has not lead to the depression I was used to. I am so happy most of the time, that there just doesn’t seem to be room for it. But my new friend, panicked anxiety has started to fill that role quite efficiently. And so the time has come again to relight the fire of my passions.

I am pleased to announce that on Oct 1st, my second blog will launch. Co-written with my dear friend Adair Rice, we will be posting ridiculous correspondence to each other every week.

I am also beginning to search out auditions for performing gigs (along with my wife) and finding a renewed passion for comics that I hadn’t known I’d lost.

It’s not a quick fix, and I know from past experience that when I am unfulfilled artistically, it reeks havoc on my mental state. But, I am confident that with the help of my wife and collaborators, I’ll be back to chasing my dreams until I run out of breath in no time.


Constant Change

Being married is different than dating. Living together, making life plans and financial decisions, are all things that couples of all stages do together. But once you are married, you are transitioning from a state of change to a state of constancy.

I have had ten roommates over the course of my life. Now, I will have one for the rest of my life.

When my wife and I were dating, we were constantly adjusting to our own changing lives. Where we were, what we were doing, who we were with, were all changing every day, and independently from each other. Now that we are married, those things are still changing ever day, but we have each other as a constant. We never had that before.

I was expecting everything to change in my life when I got married. And a lot of things did. But really, it’s the stability that no one warns you about.

All of a sudden, you have someone to be with, always. You have a partner in crime that isn’t going anywhere. While this constancy might scare some people, I have found it to be an awesome experience.

In a world of terrorist, super viruses, civil wars and street violence, I am so glad I have a steadfast partner. Regimes will fall, presidents will leave office, and gas will go up, but I have a friend, confidant, lover, and drinking buddy to stand with through it all.

Yes it’s forever, and yes, that can be a little scary. But life is scary enough alone. I’m glad I have such an amazing partner to go through all the change life sends our way.


Going to the chapel


When I was first planning my wedding with my then fiancé, people would ask how it was going, and I would always answer the same: “if you ever get married, elope.”

It was a long and stressful process to get from the proposal to the alter. But, we learned a lot and we survived.

More than that, we thrived.

As such, my perspective on weddings has changes some, having now had my own. So I would like to share an “I dos” do’s and don’ts list with you. Based on my experience and nothing else.


  • See your bride before she walks down the isle. (The moment I saw Courtney was so over powering, I had to double take. And then I promptly fell apart. In a good way)
  • Let your family stress you out. (My family was pretty awesome. So was Courtney’s. But, those little things they do that bug the crap out of you will seem like really big deals when you are already stressed and strung out. Just remember they love you and want you to be happy.)
  • Trust the RSVPs. (Plan for 10 more people to just show up, and then don’t be surprised when 20 people cancel or just don’t show. Stuff happens, so plan ahead and being willing to let go.)


  • Dance your ass off. (Our first dance, our mother/son and father/daughter,  were all SO much fun. Not because we practiced, but because we really danced, as opposed to swaying.)
  • Eat the food. (Some couples don’t eat on their wedding day. They are too busy taking pictures and saying hi to everyone, and they end up forgetting, or not having time. We made time to eat. And I am glad we did. Even if you are not big drinkers, it’s an exhausting day, and you will need some food.)
  • Have live music. (My sisters and two of Courtney’s friends all played or sang or both during our service, and it was so amazing.  I can’t even tell you how perfect it was. And while we had a blast dancing to our play list, we had a live band at the after party, which was great. Courtney and I even sing a song or two with them.)

And finally, Do-

  • Surround yourself with your best friends. (our bridal party was awesome. Our ushers were incredible, and we had all the people who matter most pitching in and having a good time. We were able to involve friends in the ceremony,  and have others take over set up and tear down. They were all indispensable and a joy to be around. When you are making your list think about who you can count on for fun, logistics, and support.)

Long story short, I am so glad we had a wedding. Rather than telling people to elope in the future, I will tell them, all you need to know about having a wedding is that people love love. They want to help, they want to have fun, and they want celebrate with you. So, why not let them?