Build Up

Great roller coasters use tension and release to thrill their riders. Like a horror movie, they build up suspense 75% of the time, and use the remaining 25%  to make the rider feel disoriented, scared, and out of control. Despite a near-zero risk of being injured, riders are convinced for a split second that they might not survive.

Many people love the thrill of the fall. Me? Not so much. I have a hard enough time stomaching the smaller bumps and twists leading up to the big fall.

Yet, this year, I’ve set myself up to ride a gamut of emotional roller coasters. From leaving Missoula, to being more emotionally vulnerable with friends, to trying to find my way in New York City, I’ve ensured that every second of downtime will be met with proportional feelings of sadness, confusion, and fear.

I got a sample of those feelings today when I received a rejection letter for a job I really wanted from a company I truly admire. While I’ve received plenty of rejection letters over the last couple months, this one stung more than usual. It’s frustrating to build up so much excitement for a potential situation, just to be let down in such a short amount of time. It’s even worse when it’s the 4th time this month. Yet in the back of my mind, I know these are just small bumps – reminders that I’m moving forward.

So with Oct. 1 drawing near, it’s time for me to make a decision. When the bottom drops out and I find myself in NYC with no job, am I going to cling on desperately for control, or will I put my hands in the air and enjoy the ride? Will I freeze up like I did this Spring, or will I apply all the lessons I’ve learned and loosen up?

I think, this time around, my hands will be waving.

- Clark