Life Support

Friday marked the last day of my internship. Today, I’m a free man with with my entire future ahead of me. Well technically, a free man with one more oral exam before I am all-the-way, one hundred percent done, but I’m not worried about it.

A year ago, I thought this moment was too far away to ever happen. Six months ago, I was driving myself crazy with the anxiety that I wouldn’t be able to get here.

But now that I’m here, all I can think about is how much I’ll miss what I’m leaving behind.

There were times my internship was a trial by fire and a sea of red tape. Sometimes those were the good days. But once I got used to it I realized that it was one of the few chances I’ll get to practice what I want to do, the way I want to do it.

And you know what? I grew into the role, and I did it well.

I remember my professors saying some variation of the following: “Why do you want to do this? You know it’s really hard and really long-term, right?” And I never really had any conviction behind the answers I gave them, nothing with anything real behind it. Lately that has been changing, and today I saw another way it has changed.

I know I want to be a counselor for as long as anyone will let me. I know this, because now that I won’t be seeing clients for a while, I feel something missing in my life. A part of myself that I really love has gone dim, and I know I won’t feel whole again until I can get it back.

But as far as problems go, how awesome is that? Who among the entire population of the world can say that their job makes them feel whole? In  a world where a job is more or less that thing you do for your kids until you die, I am unbelievably lucky to have that thing be something I love.

And though I feel some anxiety from all the changes that are about to happen both to and around me, namely two moves, a friend’s wedding, and some startlingly high monthly bill payments, I can’t help but think it’s all worth it.

Because at the end of the day, that job I complain about sometimes, the one that can really stress me out? I can’t live without it.

Comments

  1. You understand it. You understand life. You understand so many things beyond your years. I am so proud. Don’t forget to send emails to the c.o in SLC, the firm Dale referred you to in MIssoula, and my neightbor at work…. Here for ya Sweetie!!